


At a Glance

by Hidetouken



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, I wrangled canon to meet my will, I'm so proud that I finished this hell yeah, M/M, rated teen to be safe?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-25
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2019-07-02 05:28:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15789894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hidetouken/pseuds/Hidetouken
Summary: AU where Hide can sense how another person’s future will go based on emotions that he senses when he looks at them, and he’s determined to change the tragic future that he can sense from Kaneki.





	At a Glance

Hide had what some would call a sixth sense. Ever since he could remember he had the ability to look at someone and get a sense of how their future would unfold. It came to him in waves of emotions – what he assumed would be how the person would feel throughout the course of their life. Those feelings fluctuated among those that he knew. Some choices suddenly made the feelings Hide felt darker while others brought with them light. For most people he got a balanced mix of both light and dark. Average people who would have average lives. But that’s not what stopped him that fateful day. That day Hide felt a wave of painful emotions flood over him the moment he laid eyes on him. 

He had been on his way home from school on a warm spring day, working hard to remember the route back to his new home. It took him down along a river that shined in the bright sun and rippled with the gentle breezes that went by. He enjoyed this part of his walk and he stopped to take in the view. It was as he did so that it happened. 

On the bank of this river is where Hide first laid eyes on him. There was a boy about his age sitting on the bank all alone reading a book. He even seemed to be wearing the same uniform that Hide was wearing, but that wasn’t what caught Hide’s attention. Instead, it was the wave of sadness that overwhelmed him as he looked at the boy. 

This was the first time that Hide had ever experienced this type of reaction upon looking at another person. It stopped him in his tracks and he had to take a moment to compose himself. 

The boy he saw was destined to have a hard life.

Hide couldn’t allow that.

Swallowing, Hide put on his best smile and marched straight up to the boy.

“Hey you!” He called out as soon as he was close enough to the boy to get his attention. It seemed like his loud voice startled the other boy, who jumped and almost dropped his book. 

“Sorry…?” The other boy answered hesitantly. 

“Oh, I just moved here and I don’t have any friends and I was wondering if you would be my friend?” Hide asked, feigning nervousness, hoping it would encourage the other boy to accept his offer. He wasn’t exactly lying though, he  _ had  _ just moved here and had yet to make any true friends yet. Maybe this boy would be his first one. 

“Sure…, I’ll be your friend” the boy answered. He still seemed to be hesitating, but in the moment that he accepted Hide felt the weight of the negative emotions he had originally felt when looking at the boy lighten up just a little. It shocked him, he had never had the sense he got about another person’s future change from such a seemingly small interaction like that. He took it as a good sign though because now amidst the painful feelings there was a spark of happiness and it made Hide grin just a bit wider. Maybe he could change things for this boy.

“Great! My name’s Nagachika Hideyoshi, but you can call me ‘Hide!’” he exclaimed as he held out a hand for the other to shake, “What’s your name?”

The other boy smiled and took Hide’s hand and tentatively shook it back.

“My name’s Kaneki Ken.”

____________________________________________________________________________

It didn’t take long for Hide to learn that Kaneki’s life was already filled with pain. It was evident in the bruises that he carefully hid under his school clothes and in the way that he never asked for anything, even when it was apparent that he needed it. It was in the way he tried to smile even after his mother had passed and as his cruel aunt begun to neglect and abuse him too.

No matter how many years passed it always seemed like Kaneki was enduring some hardship he tried to hide, rather than thriving and living an easy life like everyone else around him.

Hide did his best to lighten whatever pain his friend was going through; offering to hang out with him after school so he wouldn’t have to go home, bringing in extra food for lunch so that Kaneki wouldn’t have to go without, even going as far as to stick up for him to his aunt on the rare occasion that she showed her true colors around him. 

He did his best to encourage his friend too, giving him a thumbs up in class when he was unexpectedly called on to let him know everything would be fine, or doing his best to take interests in the many books that Kaneki read, asking him about the plot of each and every one he saw him with so that he would know that his interests were important.

No matter how much Hide did though; it never seemed to be enough to change the deep aching pain that He sensed when he met Kaneki’s eyes. But he was determined. One way or another he would change his friend’s future and make it bright.

____________________________________________________________________________

Hide had always meant to change Kaneki’s apparently bleak future. However, he had never meant to fall in  _ love  _ with him, but that’s exactly what happened. 

The two of them had been at Hide’s home studying for their final exams, Hide attempting a difficult practice problem while Kaneki combed through a textbook from their history class. Hide looked over at his friend to find him asleep on the textbook, most likely exhausted from staying up through the night before to study with his cousin, teaching him as much as he could. 

Kaneki’s face was soft while he slept, no sense of the apprehension and anxiety that was often on his face when he was awake, and Hide felt his heart leap into his throat, pounding at the sight.  _ This is how he should look all the time _ Hide thought to himself as he fought to calm his racing heart. He couldn’t help but to stare as he swallowed down the tight feeling he felt in his throat. 

_ I should wake him up _ he thought before reaching out a hand to gently shake Kaneki’s shoulder. 

Kaneki woke with a soft groan and rubbed his eyes blearily. Hide smiled at the sight and was glad that Kaneki wasn’t awake enough yet to register the faint blush that he could feel rising on his cheeks. Taking a deep breath, he tried to get himself composed before his friend noticed. 

“Sorry, Hide. I didn’t mean to fall asleep,” Kaneki apologized sheepishly. Hide shook his head and laughed before reaching over to ruffle Kaneki’s hair playfully. 

“Don’t worry about it,” He answered lightly as he withdrew his hand. Kaneki blushed at the contact, embarrassed despite how many times Hide had done it before, and Hide lightly laughed agian. 

“Why don’t we call it a night and get some sleep. There’s no point in studying if we’re too tired to retain what we’re looking at.”

Kaneki nodded before placing his pencil in the book to mark his page, closing it with a soft  _ thump _ . Before he got up to go and change into his Pajamas Kaneki gave Hide a grateful smile and Hide once again had to fight down the blush that had threatened to spread up his face. 

In that moment he sensed the heaviness he felt while looking at his friend lighten just a bit more. 

____________________________________________________________________________

The day Hide’s heart broke for the first time was the same day he felt the heaviness he sensed from Kaneki drop like a pit into his stomach.

They were sitting in a cafe enjoying some coffee after their classes at Kami had ended for the day talking about the recent ghoul attacks when Kaneki suddenly brought it up. 

“So there’s this girl I like….” He said tentatively as he avoided Hide’s watchful eyes, opting instead to look down at his coffee, “She likes the same books as me and she comes here often...”

_ So that’s why Kaneki had asked to come here _ Hide thought as he fought to keep his smile intact. 

“So who is she?” He asked instead, his voice light despite the ache he felt in his heart, “Is it her?” He asked, pointing towards the waitress that had served him. 

“No, and Hide don’t  _ point _ ,” Kaneki shot back as he reached across the table to pull Hide’s arm back down, embarrassment evident on his face, “I’ll let you know if she comes in.”

Hide laughed at how cute Kaneki was when he was embarrassed, and waved a hand. 

“Okay fine, I’ll behave,” he said before lifting his drink and taking a sip. Just then he noticed Kaneki sit up just a bit straighter as the bell over the door ran.  _ That must be her then _ he thought before turning around to glance at the woman who had just walked in. 

As if reading his thoughts Kaneki spoke.

“That’s her,” He said quietly, a faint blush evident on his face as the woman walked past their table. 

“Beautiful” was the easiest way to describe her. She was tall with long hair, big eyes, and a pretty face. Hide couldn’t help but to feel a bit jealous while he watched her, but he swallowed it down and kept smiling, thankful that Kaneki wasn’t very perceptive, especially not when he was as distracted as was now. 

There was something else that stood out to Hide though. When he looked at her got the same wave of pain he had gotten when he first met Kaneki. The similarity of the feelings he got from the two of them unsettled Hide. For the first time in his life he felt himself unsure how to proceed in order to best help his friend and he could feel his composure starting to crack.

Slamming his hands down on the table Hide stood up and put on his best smile.

“Now that I’ve seen her, I gotta go to work!” He declared as he picked up his bag, “Good luck Kaneki, but I would give up if I were you, there’s no way a hotty like that will go for you,” he joked. Part of him really did want Kaneki to fail to get a date with her, but surprisingly it wasn’t the jealous side of him. Instead it came from the feeling he got as he looked at his friend now. 

“Let me know how things go!” He said with a wink before he slung his bag over his shoulder. He turned and walked out of the cafe unable to shake a feeling of apprehension.

Later that week when the two of them were getting dinner at their favorite restaurant Big Girl Kaneki told him that he had managed to get a date with the woman, and hide felt a heavy pit form in his stomach. 

_ This is wrong, _ His brain supplied, but he shook his head. He had to trust his friend and support him. He was probably just overthinking things out of jealousy anyways.  _ I’m going to support him no matter what, _ he shot back to his own thoughts, but he still couldn’t shake his apprehension. 

“So what are you two going to do?” He asked as he did his best to hide his inner turmoil. Kaneki smiled and looked excited for the first time in months. The look on his face calmed hide down some, and he found himself smiling back a little easier than he had been before, but only a little.

“We’re going to go to the bookstore and give each other novel recommendations!” Kaneki exclaimed, “Did I tell you that we have the same taste in books?”

Hide laughed through the hollow feeling in his chest and shook his head. 

“That’s not exactly what I would call a good date idea, but I guess you have to do what feels right to you,” he answered with a shrug of his shoulders. 

Inside, Hide was torn. On the one hand his friend seemed excited;  _ happy _ ; for the first time in a very long time, but on the other hand Hide had a bad feeling about this date even before throwing his own selfish feelings into the mix. He knew he told himself he would support Kaneki no matter what, but he still felt like he was making the wrong choice. 

Throughout the rest of the meal Hide internally fought with himself about what he should do. about the situation. He even considered confessing himself on the small chance that that would somehow sway Kaneki’s mind. By the end of the meal; however, he had settled on trusting Kaneki. He seemed excited. Maybe it would be fine.

As Kaneki stood up to leave Hide realized he had chosen wrong. As he watched his friend walk out of the shop the breath was knocked right out of him as he felt a terrible sadness punch him in the gut. 

_ I have to fix this somehow _ , He thought was he watched the door swing shut. He would find a way to fix this, he  _ had  _ to. 

____________________________________________________________________________

The second time Hide feels his heart break is when he wakes up after their “accident’ and hears Kaneki talking to the man from Anteiku named Yoshimura. 

_ He should have tried harder to stop that date _ . He knew it was going to go bad but he could never have guessed that this would happen. If he had of known he would have done whatever it took to stop Kaneki from going.

He had thought the worst of it was that Kaneki had gotten hurt, but to learn that his entire life was turned upside down because he had somehow been turned into a ghoul as a result? That was way beyond what Hide could have even predicted would happen. 

Laying in that bed Hide held back tears he felt he didn’t deserve to shed and peaked out of the corner of his eyes to catch a glimpse of his friend. He saw Kaneki’s head turned down with tears streaming down his face as he cried that he was all alone in this world and Hide had to swallow past the lump in his throat to keep himself from speaking up about how wrong that was. If Kaneki hadn’t told him already then it meant he wasn’t ready; Hide would wait until he was.

Watching the two, Hide sensed that same small lightness as he looked at Kaneki when the man offered Kaneki a job their at the cafe, and he breathed out slowly in releaf. It was the first time in weeks that Hide had felt any sense of lightness when looking at Kaneki, the last time having been before his disastrous date while they hung out on the whale at the park. It was such a short time but things really had changed. 

As he heard the two leave his doorway Hide once again vowed that he would do anything to help Kaneki, except now he felt like he would have help, if from no one else then from the man who had offered his friend a job. But before he could do anything, he had some research to do.

____________________________________________________________________________

After the incident with Nishiki, Kaneki began to withdraw and it became more difficult to judge just what Hide could do to help him. Hide did his best to keep in touch with his friend; texting him when he didn’t show up to class, tagging along to the cafe when he went to work, even showing up unannounced as his apartment a few times, but despite his efforts it felt like Kaneki was slipping out of his hands. Growing up they had been inseparable but now it felt like a wedge had been driven in between them and it caused Hide a whole new sort of pain as he watched his friend; one that came from himself rather than Kaneki’s apparent upcoming misfortune. 

The fact that Kaneki seemed to be fitting in well with his new coworkers brought Hide some relief, especially since it seemed like they were the cause of whatever lightness Hide sensed when he looked at his friend now, so eventually Hide did what he never thought he’d do: step back.

He still saw Kaneki at at school when the other showed up, and on rare occasions Kaneki would accept his invitations to hang out after class, but little by little Hide stopped accompanying Kaneki to Anteiku, started texting him less, started seeing him less overall.

The distance hurt Hide but he tried not to think about it. If his assistance wasn’t needed in person he would find another way to help Kaneki. Hide began throwing himself into research about ghouls. He read every article and book he could get his hands on. He wanted to be ready to help at a moments notice for whenever Kaneki finally felt comfortable to share his secret with him. 

Hide followed news articles about ghoul activities too, creating a board in his small apartment dedicated to known locations of activity, what type of ghouls was suspected, looking for patterns. No piece of information was insignificant to Hide, not when it came to protecting Kaneki.

____________________________________________________________________________

When Kaneki stopped showing up for classes, Hide was prepared. He first stopped by Anteiku, desperately hoping his coworkers would have answers. He somehow wasn’t surprised to find one of the windows broken and boarded up and the shop closed “until further notice.” He had known  _ something  _ was going to happen; the last time he had seen Kaneki from across the courtyard at Kami the feelings he sensed were so strong that he had to grab the wall to keep himself standing. Something had definitely happened here. 

Hide began to seek out information. He checked the papers. It seemed like the the ghoul group Aogiri Tree and members of the White Coats had been active recently in their ward, so Hide began searching. Any person he passed that seemed to fit the description of the ghoul groups member’s were suspects in Hide’s eyes, until he laid his eyes on  _ him _ . 

The first time Hide laid eyes on the large man he had a gut feeling that this was who he was looking for. The dark feeling he got when he looked at the man reminded him of how he had felt when looking at Kaneki and the woman he had gone on that disastrous date with.

Carefully Hide began to observe. He learned the suspected man’s movements and devised a plan. As soon as he learned that the man, the  _ ghoul _ he reminded himself, prefered to frequent a cafe in a nearby ward Hide went and purchased a tracker from a seedy corner store in the technology district. 

Somehow he managed to place the receiver on the ghoul he suspected.

_ The screams he heard coming from the receiver later that night would keep him up for months to come. _

____________________________________________________________________________

Judging from what he heard from the tracker’s receiver, Kaneki had survive the CCG’s raid.

Kaneki never returned.

Hide made new vow: he would see his friend again. He make it so that he could sense that lightness from Kaneki again.

____________________________________________________________________________

It was dark. Hazard lights flashed every few feet, casting shadows around the tunnel, hiding many of its features. Hide kept a hand on the wall to keep himself from losing his footing as he trudged his way through the murky water. The stench that would usual leave him reeling barely registered in his mind now. He had a mission to complete. 

He could hear screams coming from further down the tunnel, they were agonized and deranged, sounding inhuman. Hide followed the sound, new determination flowing through him as he rounded a corner and saw a dark figure writhing in the darkness. 

When he laid his eyes on him he had to stop for a moment to catch his breath from the pain he sensed at the sight. Kaneki was screaming nonsense, baning his head against the wall as he tried to regain control of his body. He soon fell to the ground, bloody hands pulling at the stark white hair on his head screaming that his body was his. 

Taking a deep breath, Hide continued on towards his friend. He couldn’t fail now.

“Yo, Kaneki,” he said as casually as he could manage as he approached his friend. Kaneki immediately brought his mask back up onto his face at the greeting. 

“Hi….de…?” He questioned fearfully, “ _ N–NO, You can’t be here – _ ” he screamed as he curled in on himself, causing the gaping wound on his abdomen to bleed even more. Kaneki didn’t seem to notice as he was too preoccupied with trying to wake himself up from what he thought was a bad dream. Hide’s heart ached that Kaneki couldn’t seem to accept that he was here with him. He wanted so badly for Kaneki to know he had been there for him this whole time, would always be there for him. 

“You won’t need that anymore,” Hide said calmly as he knelt down next to his friend. He reached out and placed a hand gently, but firmly, on Kaneki’s shoulder as if he was trying to hold him there in front of him.

“I already knew man,” he finally said. Kaneki tensed up and Hide could feel him trembling. He sighed and smiled sadly at his friend, “Let’s just go home.”

Kaneki froze for a moment, his rambling coming to a halt as he held his breath. Then he suddenly clutched at the wound on his torso and began to scream as his kagune released and began to flail around them. The sound caused the aching in Hide’s heart to become almost unbearable. 

“I want to help you,” He soothed as he reached over and braced his hands on Kaneki’s shoulders to hold him up, “Kaneki, there’s someone you need to fight up ahead with all that you’ve got. You have to show him that you’re worth saving,” said quietly, doing his best to hold Kaneki’s eye contact, “I want to help you….so please, Kaneki,  _ eat me. _ ”

Kaneki’s breath hitched and he tried to push himself away from Hide, too weak from blood loss to do so with any effect.

“Hide, you need to leave, I’m hearing those voices again….  _ I don’t want to hurt you!”  _ He uttered, his voice weak and terrified. Hide tried his best to smile as he pulled his friend towards him. 

“Kaneki, I want you to  _ live _ ,” He begged, “So please….Just this once let me help you. There’s a man past here you’ll need to fight. You’ll probably lose…. But I want to show you that you’re worth saving so please, Kaneki,  _ fight with all you’ve got just one last time _ .”

Kaneki went silent as his breathing started to pick up and Hide leaned his head in towards Kaneki’s.

One moment their lips were pressed together in a kiss, the next hide felt his flesh being torn from his face.

_ Thank god _ , he thought as the feeling he sensed go from a hollow and anguished ache, to something lighter, if not still painful, sensation.  _ I was able to help him after all.  _

____________________________________________________________________________

The cafe was cozy with books lining one of the walls and small reading nooks that were separated from the traditional tables. It seemed to be well liked by the local community with customers flowing through it throughout the entire day. It kept the staff busy during their opening hours as they served the people flowing in and prepared their orders. 

Presently,  Hide was one such customer, if you could call someone who got complementary free coffee a customer. He was sitting at one of the tables near the counter sipping at an iced coffee through a straw that went up under the bandana he had tied around the lower half of his face. In front of him was an ever present notepad and pen that he was now in the habit of carrying around with him. Some pages had tabs sticking out of them marking his more commonly used phrases.

He was just getting ready to try and catch Touka’s eyes for a refill when the bell over the door rung and a group of people entered. Hide had long since stopped looking at who came into the shop. In three years  _ he  _ had never entered. Hide was about to flip to an empty page on his notepad to start doodling on when he caught the look on Touka’s face that made him stop. 

Following her gaze he found an energetic people walking towards a table and his mouth went dry. After three long years  _ he  _ was finally standing there in the shop, dressed in an investigator’s coat and taking in his surroundings. 

It took Hide a moment to notice it past the throbbing in his heart, but when he looked at Kaneki,  _ no, he’s probably not “Kaneki” anymore, _ he told himself, he sensed an ever present heaviness among a new sense of lightness. His first reaction was relief. Relief that he had finally found a future that would bring him happiness.

His second reaction was utter devastation as he realized that he still felt that dark heavy feeling when looking at his old friend.  _ This isn’t right _ he thought furiously,  _ they promised me that they would give him a place where he could be happy! _ It took all of Hide’s self control to not march out of the cafe and to the CCG itself to demand what had gone wrong. What they were planning on making him do, because this  _ wasn’t  _ how it was supposed to be. 

A more rational part of his brain kept him seated. If he followed his impulses it would ultimately cause his old friend more trouble. Hell, it could cost him the place in the world that he had been given. Hide would have to find another way.

He let his eyes drift back towards the group. They seemed happy enough, although Hide got a few waves of a dark sense from among the group. He couldn’t bring himself to focus on that too much; he was too busy studying  _ his  _ face. He seemed happy enough while he laughed along with what one of the younger members of the group said. That was good. At least for now he was happy. Hide just had to fix whatever was necessary to ensure that he stayed that way.   
  


Hide stayed at the cafe until closing that night, spending the remaining hours of the day watching the ice in his drink melt and avoiding Touka’s gaze. He was trying to think of a way to explain to her that he needed them. Several times he flipped open his notebook and began to write only to cross it out and flip the book closed again with a sigh. 

When the last customer finally left and the open sign was flipped to “closed,” Hide couldn’t avoid Touka any longer as she made it a point to sit down at his table directly in front of him. He sighed and sagged in his seat. He still didn’t know how to explain that something was going to happen to  _ him _ other than a feeling he had in his gut when he had saw the other. 

Touka ignored him and simply pulled the notebook from across the table and began to flip to the pages in the end were he had repeatedly tried to write his thoughts out on. Apparently she had been watching him throughout her shift. Her brow furrowed as he read through his haphazard notes and after a few minutes she gently set the notepad back down in front of hide with a blank sheet facing up.

“So you’re saying that you know something bad is going to happen to him?” She asked, her voice carefully neutral. Hide hesitated for a moment and then nodded. If he was going to do anything this time he would probably need help and he was sure Touka would want in anyways. 

“And you somehow gathered this from just a gut feeling?” She asked, an eyebrow quirked. Hide sighed again and picked up his pen and began to write, thinking over his words carefully. 

Hide’s handwriting become progressively worse as he wrote, his hands shaking from all the emotions flowing through him; worry for his old friend, nervousness at revealing his secret to Touka, desperation to do something to stop whatever was going to happen. 

When he was done he passed the notebook over to Touka who began to read through his words, her face unreadable. 

_ “I don’t know how to really explain it, Touka, but ever since I was little I got a sense about people. I figured out that the emotions I felt with this sense gave me an idea about how their futures would turn outt, and that sometimes that feeling can be changed. When I met Kaneki all I felt was pain and I wanted to change that. I tried for years but I could never get that heaviness that I sensed to go away, I was only able to lighten it. And when I saw him today I could still feel it.  _

_ They were supposed to make a place for him to be happy, Touka. But something bad is going to happen to him and I need to find a way to stop it.” _

“Hide,” She started, looking at him with a look of concern on her face, “You’ve already done so much for him,” She started, “Why are you trying to go even further without even knowing for sure what’s going to happen?” She finally asked.

Hide took his notebook back and wrote his next words with conviction. 

_ “Because I love him.” _

Touka gave him a sad smile as she read the words. 

“So what are we going to do then?” She asked.

Hide flipped his notebook to a new page and began to write.

He stayed at Re all night planning. 

____________________________________________________________________________

_ How did things end up like this? _ Hide wondered as he watched the figure on the table in front of him. He had long since stopped fidgeting with the loose string on his sleeve as he waited for the figure to wake up.

He looked the figure up and down again, taking in all the details. His hair back to it’s stark white color and seemingly had grown longer than Hide remembered it being. His face and neck were covered in red marks, remains of when he had been a part of that  _ thing _ , his arms still disfigured and looking more like kagune than hands _. _ Despite all of that, Kaneki was in front of him now, his face so peaceful it seemed like it was impossible that he had been at the root of Dragon. 

For what felt like the thousandth time since he had been sitting here Hide took a deep breath and let it out slowly in response to what he sensed when looking at Kaneki. He sensed nothing. None of the heaviness that had been there before was present, but neither was the lightness he had sometimes felt coming from his friend. It scared him. 

_ What if it means he’s not going to wake up? _ He thought to himself before shaking the thought out of his head earning a few confused looks from the other people gathered in the room. Hide ignored them and looked over to Touka who tried to give him a small smile when she met his eyes. If it was meant to comfort him it didn’t work and Hide screwed his eyes shut before opening them and peering at Kaneki again.

Nothing.

Hide couldn’t be in here anymore. Watching Kaneki lay there lifelessly with no feeling radiating off of him was too much for Hide to take, and he abruptly stood up. 

“I’m going to get some fresh air,” He said, doing his best to seem casual as the robotic voice spoke for him before he turned on his heel and walked out of the room. He could feel questioning eyes on him as he left but he ignored them. He needed to gather his thoughts and he couldn't do it here. It was too painful.

He stopped in the hallway outside the room and slumped against the wall, the burn of tears in his eyes.  _ Please, he has to wake up _ , he pleaded to himself,  _ he doesn’t deserve this to be his last experience... _

The sound of footsteps brought Hide out of his head and he quickly straightened himself and wiped the tears from his eyes. Without looking to see who was coming he turned and headed in the opposite direction. He couldn’t be around people right now.

He wandered the winding halls of the CCG headquarters until he found access staircase to the roof and headed up their. 

The cool air sent chills through him as a breeze rustled his hair, but he didn’t care. Finally alone he slid down against the door and finally let all of the tears he’d been holding back for all of these years flow. 

_ Please let him wake up. Please.... _

____________________________________________________________________________

Hide was back up on the roof of the CCG. It had become a place of refuge over the past few days. Everything was chaotic at the headquarters as they tried to deal with the dragon spawn and the ever increasing number of ROS victims. Let alone trying to get the city back on its feet after all of the destruction.

He had spent the better part of the day in the operations room assisting Marude with plans to solve as many of the problems as they could, but he was eventually kicked out and told to get some rest as he had spent most of the previous night and day doing the same.

He hadn’t gone back to check in on Kaneki yet. He couldn’t bring himself to watch his friend lay there and not be able to help him. That’s why when he hear the door to the roof opening up he turned expecting to find Touka there ready to kick his ass for avoiding his problems.

Instead when he turned around he immediately froze.

Standing in front of him was Kaneki, looking apprehensive as he stepped through the door and closed it behind him.

Hide swallowed past the lump in this throat and instinctively opened his mouth to speak before he realized that was pointless. Instead he raised a trembling hand to his throat to press the button on his speaking device, eyes never leaving the other’s form.

“....Kaneki?” He said, letting it hang as a question in the air. He still wasn’t quite convinced that this wasn’t a hallucination from sleep deprivation. It felt like something was missing from the figure in front of him. 

“Yeah, that’s me,” the other answered tentatively. He started to take a step towards Hide but stopped at the last second, remaining where he was instead.

Hide; however, immediately shot forwards and pulled Kaneki into a tight embrace, burying his face into the crook of his neck. 

“ _ Thank god, _ ” he choked out, unable to stop the tears that welled up in his eyes, “ _ It’s really you _ .”

Kaneki raised his arms to return Hide’s embrace, somewhat hesitant at first, and nodded.

“Yeah, it’s me, Hide,” He answered, is voice strained with emotion, as Hide felt something drip down onto his head. 

Kaneki was crying, He realized. He couldn’t have that. 

Taking a deep breath, Hide lifted his head and looked his friend directly in the eyes. If he could still smile he would be giving Kaneki the biggest one he had ever managed. Kaneki gave him a teary smile and choked out a tearful laugh. 

“It’s been awhile, huh?” Kaneki said as he placed his hands on Hide’s shoulder and pushed him back, breaking their embrace, so that he could take his friend in fully.

Hide nodded and hit the button on his throat, “Yeah, it has been,” he agreed, the robotic voice unable to convey the emotions that he felt. He could only hope that the look in his eyes were enough. Judging by the way that Kaneki gently reached a hand out to brush the tears off of the uncovered part of Hide’s cheek, he had managed. 

“Hide....,” Kaneki said hesitantly as he gently fingered the cloth covering the lower half of Hide’s face, “Can I….Can I please see?” He asked with a pained look on his face.

Hide sighed and looked away for a moment. Truth be told he didn’t want to show Kaneki his scar. He knew it would only make him feel guilty and he had already endured so much pain that Hide couldn’t bare to be the source of more. 

“Hide…,” Kaneki tried again, a little more determination in his voice this time around, “Please.... I want to see what I’ve done.”

Hide sighed again before nodding and lifting his hands to untie the scarf he had around his face. He pulled it away hesitantly and held his breath as he met Kaneki’s eyes. 

They looked pained and Hide felt instant regret.  _ I shouldn’t have shown him, _ he started to think, _ I shouldn’t have shown him now. It’s too soon, he won’t be able to handle it. I have to find a way to fix this–” _

“Thank you.”

The words that Kaneki spoke pulled Hide out of his head and he focused on Kaneki’s face. There was guilt there, yes, but there was something else. If Hide had to describe it he would say it was conviction, like he was determined to come to terms with what he was facing.

“You always hid the the things I didn’t want to see,” Kaneki said, a small grateful smile crossing his lips. Hide let out an airy laugh and pressed the button on his throat. 

“You know me too well,” he answered before going to tie the scarf back up over his face.

“ _ Don’t– _ ” Kaneki said, grabbing hide’s wrist to stop him from lifting the scarf up any higher, “I mean, you don’t have too,” He tried again, sounding more hesitant as he released Hide’s wrist, “It’s just been so long since I’ve seen you that… Well, I want to  _ see _ you.”

Hide could only nod and drop the hand holding the scarf to his side. He wasn’t expecting that. He was expecting relief at the scars being hidden again. He looked away, a little embarrassed, but then looked right back at Kaneki. 

“Hey Kaneki,” he started casually, meeting the other’s gaze, “Let's go home?”

Kaneki’s face broke into a teary smile and he reached forwards to pull Hide into a tight hug that Hide gladly returned. It was then that he realized what had been missing when he first looked at his friend.

He had only sensed light. 

____________________________________________________________________________

“Kaneki, hurry up and stop reading already, “Hide called out to the other room, “People are coming over soon and we need to get this place straightened up.” He didn’t hear an answer right away from the other room, so he dropped the pile of clothes he had gathered into the laundry basket before heading into the other room. 

Kaneki was curled up on the couch, a book in hand and a cold cup of coffee on the table next to him. He looked up when Hide walked into the room and gave him a sheepish smile.

“I only have three pages left of this chapter,” he explained, still holding the book with intent to turn right back to it. 

Hide couldn’t have that.

He walked over the back of the couch and leaned down on it so his face was next to Kaneki’s

“Those three pages are going to have to wait,” He said with a smile, “ I’m not about to have Touka yell at me for the state of this place again.”

Kaneki laughed and shook his head.

“You know she just does that to get under your skin, right?” He asked, a look of amusement in his eyes. Hide sighed, but he couldn’t help but to smile back at the other. He leaned in for a kiss that Kaneki readily accepted, and he smiled. 

“Fine, you can finish those three pages,” He said with mock authority, “But you owe me.”

Kaneki laughed as he turned back to his book.

“I’ll give you a kiss for every minute that it takes me to finish,” He answered lightly.

"Plus interest,” Hide settled on. Kaneki laughed and nodded his head at the words, his white hair falling part way into his face. He lifted a hand to brush it out of his face and looked back at Hide.

“I think I can manage that,” He said and Hide crossed his arms with a satisfied smile. 

Hide watched Kaneki as he turned his attention back to his book and sighed contentedly. He couldn’t help it these days. Everytime he looked at Kaneki he felt overwhelming lightness and it brought his mind back to the boy he had seen sitting by the river so many years ago. 

He thought back to the vow he had made as a child and smiled. Who knew the convictions of someone so young could bring you so far. It may have been a turbulent road, but Hide didn’t regret a single part of it. 

He didn’t regret it because Kaneki’s future was finally bright, like it was meant to be. And so was his. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Feedback is greatly appreciated.


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